We’re living in an age when life paths and timelines aren’t as rigid as they once might have been. The deal not long ago was: finish school, graduate college, get a job, get married, buy a house, make a tiny human, possibly make more.
And though many people in my generation have chosen alternative ways to live their best lives, that’s still generally the path for most people (except for the buying a house part—most of us still won’t be able to afford to do that with our student loan debt, the absurd housing prices and our general lack of wanting to stay long-term in “stable,” also known as corporate, jobs).
The later you do things in the typically expected timeline, the more concerned people get for where your life is going. Especially if you happen to be trying to live a life filled with travel. Because then you are obviously getting in your own way of a “better” life (read: you’ve finished school, graduated college, gotten a job, gotten married, bought a house and made at least one tiny human).
But what’s your timeline got to do with me?
It’s officially wedding season, apparently, and I have five invitations siting on my kitchen counter. None of which is mine, obvs. So that means two things: I’ll be spending money on wedding travel rather than regular travel, and I’ll be responding to the constant question of when are you getting married? Worse, people may even go the route of scorning my travel habits and pointing to that as why my own wedding isn’t on this year’s list.
None of that sounds fun, or frankly fair. I am carving out my own path on my own timeline and doing things my way rather than falling in line with what’s expected of a woman my age.
But since you can’t feel fierce for every moment of your journey and some things may start to get in your head, here’s how I cope with loving travel and not only what’s typical.
Don’t compare timelines
People do different things at different times and none of what anyone else is doing really has anything to do with you. If all your friends have gotten married (or they all somehow seem to be getting married this year) and pretty soon their kids will be having play dates while you’re jetsetting to your 39th country and killing it in your career, that’s OK. This is your time to do that and if you decide you want to do the other things later too, that’s also OK. And I guarantee you, there are people who feel they started their families too soon and maybe missed out on hitting that 39th country, or whatever it was they may not have done.
Focus on what makes you happy
If the constant stream of Insta photos of whatever cute thing your friends’ kids did today makes you happy for them but not necessarily jealous, why should that be a reason to feel like you’re any less or any further behind anyone else? If you are happy jetsetting right now and rounding up your girlfriends and deciding where to go on the next next trip, nothing’s wrong with that. It doesn’t mean you can’t/won’t have a family later if you want one. I like to live firmly by this line in the Holstee Manifesto:
If you are looking for the love of your life, stop; they will be waiting for you when you start doing things you love.
Sooo, what that says to me is that it’s perfectly likely traveling—since that’s the thing I love—could land me squarely in front the person I’ll spend the rest of my life with.
Remember that the grass is pretty damn green on your side
I’m not sure why people who travel a lot get this bad rap for being wayward or unfocused or flighty (no pun intended), but I’m pretty sure envy has something to do with it. People want to be as free as travelers are, even if they don’t necessarily like the idea of going to far-flung places. Travel is something most people just dream of, and dreaming of it means they want to do it, but for one reason or another, feel they can’t. People who travel a lot aren’t just living out their own dreams, they’re often living out the dreams of others too, and that’s bound to invite scorn. The point is, if you’re living your life the way you want to, your grass is green. Your grass looks damn good. It doesn’t matter what’s going on with other people’s grass on the other side. But I promise, they are also peering over the fence at your grass and wondering what it might feel like to play in it. Even just for a little while.